Fic: Viggo/Sean

[archet]

This series feels a little weird, in that it began with a drabble and is ending with something a tad longer than a drabble, and there were a couple more parts anticipated, though once Vig got started he just kept going to the end. ;) Anyway, last part, thanks to everyone who let me know they enjoyed and I hope this clears a few things up as to where they stand.



Title: Answered
Series: Question and Answer (4/4)
Author: Archet
Pairing: Viggo/Sean
Rating: R
Summary: they finally get it together.
Disclaimer: this is fiction, for entertainment purposes only and in no way implies anything as to the real lives to the lovely men who are inspirations for these characters.
Feedback: welcomed and appreciated!
Note: follows Parting Shot, California Sun and Past Midnight



~*~

He wants to talk. Shit. Finally. Relief, tension, hope and fear, I’m a fucking weird cocktail of emotion right now. Maybe some wine will help smooth the way. Right, I’m an idiot, but at least dragging out a couple cups, filling them, gives me a few moments to catch my breath. Handing Sean his share, he looks at me, slight smile on his face and I wonder at it. Taking a sip of wine I watch him, hoping for more of a smile, knowing there won’t be, unless I do this exactly right. I have to do this exactly right, this time.

I motion to the couch and he goes, stretching out his long legs, lifting his cup again. Abruptly I realize I’ve just served him red wine in a plastic tumbler. It’s pink and has a cheesy graphic of the Hollywood Sign on the side. Wonder where the fuck I acquired the hideous thing, and what are the odds I’d have two? The mate to Sean’s is in my hand. I shrug it off. I just don’t always notice that type of thing. Wonder if he likes that about me, or if it’s an annoyance, or . . . enough wondering for christssakes.

Setting my cup aside, I turn on the couch, facing him. He catches the move, turns his body toward me. There’s tension in the line of his shoulders, the set of his jaw. He may have opened the door, but he won’t walk through it until I do. I take a moment just to look at him. Green eyes, so fine, and I’d do anything to have him looking at me the way he did once. Long fingers stay curled around his tumbler, and though he hasn’t taken another taste of his wine, his tongue darts out, slips over his bottom lip.

Even in his uncertainty, he’s beautiful. How in the hell did I ever bear to part with him? Taking a breath, I reach for the right words, the right way to begin, and naturally, he beats me to it.

“What are we?”

The air rushes out of me, and of course, he just needs me to talk to him. For years I’ve been so fucking afraid of putting a foot wrong, of losing him completely. I’ve wanted so much for so long, and all along not been willing to take the chance, the risk. We’ve both been avoiding the real issue, and it can’t go on this way.

“We need to talk about New Zealand.”

A sharp look, he obviously did not enjoying hearing that. “Bloody years ago, that was. Why drag it all up again?”

I reach for my cup, stalling halfway, then draw my hand back without touching the wine. “Because we need to.”

“Viggo.” One word, just my name, and I know I’m skating the edge. Of just what, I’m not sure, but something has to change tonight. I need to make sure that it does, as he said the other night, for both our sakes. He looks away, closing up on me, arms crossed over his chest.

“What we’ve been doing since then is avoiding the issue, Sean. We’ve never even talked about it.”

He shakes his head. “You said you weren’t trying to make up for the past.”

He’s got me there. “Yeah, I did. I said when we started again, after I was done with King, that it wasn’t about me trying to undo the hurt I caused. That it was me, wanting to be with you when we could.”

He nods, and of course he remembers everything I said back then. “You asked the right question, though. What are we? I wish I knew. Friends, lovers every once in a while when we happen to find our paths cross, or at least, happen to find our paths almost cross and we put out the effort to be in the same place at the same time.”

He takes that in without comment, and I plow on. “We’ve been doing this for years, since the films. What has it gotten us? You’re still hurt, don’t deny it. And I’m-I’m still so fucking afraid to say something that’ll send you away from me for good. Jesus, Sean, I lay awake nights, wondering how I can get our schedules to match up enough that I can call you up, ask for a night without having you think I’m asking for more than you want to give me.”

It all comes out in a rush, and he’s looking at me intently. “Bullocks.”

I have to hand it to him, short and succinct.

“Viggo, we’re bloody idiots.” He says, rubbing his forehead as if warding off a headache. “I don’t know anymore, what we’re doing. Since Rings we’ve taken turns falling into one another’s bed. We’ve both had others. Women, men, and then when we’ve had enough we come right back together, but you-”

Sitting quiet and still, I will him to finish that thought. Feels as if all my hopes rest on him, just finishing that thought.

“Until a week ago, you never have, not once, asked me to stay. Now you ask every night, so what’s suddenly changed?”

It hurts, more than I thought it would.

“I know. I know I didn’t.” He needs more, and I wonder if I’m finally brave enough to give it to him. I bite back on I’m sorry. He doesn’t need that, at all.

“Before I thought if I asked, you’d tell me to shove off.”

He laughs, softly, a strange sort of sound, somewhere between snort and a sigh. “Vig. Christ.”

He leans his head back against the couch, and I stare at the line of his throat, wanting to kiss him, love him, root my cock deep in him and never come out. But I haven’t earned the right to touch him tonight, maybe I never did.

“You hurt me.”

My eyes slide shut, just for a moment. “I did.”

“But I hurt you, too, didn’t I?”

I can’t answer. He’s not looking at me, just stares at my ceiling. “It hurt, more than I bloody well thought it would. Maybe, more than I thought it should.”

I can’t say anything, the floor’s his, for the moment.

“Back then, coming off me divorce, it were nice, working on a big project like Fellowship. Shouldn’t have been, maybe, but was glad to be away from home, to just be away. Then we fell together, friends like, and that were nice too.”

Turning his head, he meets my eyes. “You were good for me, Vig. A good mate.”

It’s incredible how nine words from him can affect me. I swallow, and just nod. He looks away again, and I feel robbed, almost. I want to see his eyes.

“Didn’t know you were with someone, already. I asked you that one time, and you said no. Then, a few weeks before I was to leave, we finally . . . fucked.”

That isn’t fair. What we did that night wasn’t just fucking. He knows it as well as I do.

“I’ve never just fucked you, Sean. Was never like that for me with you.”

That gets to him, has him looking at me, eyes sharp, mouth drawn into a tight line.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

We stare one another down, and finally, after all this time, we’re coming to it. “Really. So, sticking your cock in that other bloke, what were that, exactly? Lively conversation?”

His eyes flash and his words bite, but it hasn’t been just me who’s been avoiding this, we’re in it together and he has to know that.

“No, I fucked Johnny. Fucked him sideways, even, and he was a sweet ride and I loved pounding his ass. That what you wanted?”

He stares at me, and I know he’s on the edge of walking out. If he leaves, he won’t come back. It’s put or shut up time.

“I never, never wanted to hurt you, Sean.”

He doesn’t move, just waits.

“I knew John from another job, and I guess, when I made it to New Zealand and everything was so nuts, I needed something of the familiar. He and I weren’t anything but casual, or so I thought.”

I move closer, sliding across the couch cushion. Sean doesn’t move, keeps his eyes locked on mine and his arms crossed tight across his chest.

“You and I, we clicked, from the very first. Time passed and we became closer, and yes, I kept seeing Johnny. Didn’t have a reason not to, not yet. Then, there was that night. You’d finally gotten the finalized divorce papers.”

I don’t have to ask if Sean remembers. I know he does. You can’t have what we did that night and not remember it.

“You were hurting, and needed someone. I never meant to put my hands on you like I did, it’s just . . . I was always attracted to you, but we were friends, not lovers. But I could see the need in you, and I realized, the attraction went both ways. Never expected it to be so intense. You were like fire in my hands, and after, I knew. I had to be with you again.”

Taking a breath, I push a hand through my hair. “I stopped seeing John, just wanted to be with you. We hadn’t talked about it, but it was so good when we were together, it was like we didn’t need to. I wanted more, but you’d just come off a divorce, were about to head home, I knew I couldn’t ask for anything. At the time, felt like I didn’t have the right. Looking back, I think I was just too chicken shit to take the chance you’d say no.”

“So,” he says, voice gone soft and I wonder what’s so surprising at hearing me admit to being afraid. “I’m nearly off, back across the pond, and you and handy Johnny pick up where you left off?”

Jesus, this man. “No. We didn’t. It was only the one time. Just once. He came to me, said he missed me, thought he might like more. At first, I honestly didn’t realize he what he meant, that he wanted something serious. He wanted me and I wanted you, and neither of us could have what we wanted.”

“Viggo,” he says, suddenly sounding tired. I want to touch him, taste him, leave all this complicated mess behind. “Just tell me what I did wrong, alright?”

Jesus. My hands are on his, cradling his face, keeping those green eyes on me. I can’t go without these eyes in my life, I know it. “Sean, dammit. You didn’t-fuck, maybe you did, maybe we both did.”

He moves, and I don’t know if he’s trying to pull away or get closer. Either way, I don’t let go. Can’t. “All I know, is you were leaving. You were going far the fuck away, and hadn’t said a goddamned word about whether or not I’d ever see you again. I felt like shit, wanting you but feeling like it wasn’t my place to ask, because you’d just lost your third marriage and Aragorn was in my head all the time, screaming about Boromir and I walked into your room, found your bags packed, plane tickets on the bed. You hadn’t even told me you were going the next day.”

His hands come up to cover mine, but doesn’t try to pull me away. He just stares into me, lets me stare into him. “Thought you were just going to leave, without a word. I was a fool, maybe, but that’s what I thought. I tore out of there, didn’t even try and find you, too wrapped up in my own hurt. Stormed back to my own room . . . and there was John. Spread out on my bed, pulling himself off, calling my name.”

He tries it now, wants to pull away, but my fingers curl into him, holding him fast. “And I thought, why not? I fucked him, nailed him hard, and all the fucking time, I was thinking about you. Called him Sean, for christssakes!”

He goes still in my hands, green eyes showing shock and hurt and something else I’m afraid to wonder at. At last my fingers go loose, hands slowly drifting down to rest on his shoulders.

“I was a bastard, selfish, and in my hurt, I caused even more. In you, in him.”

“Vig,” he says softly, and I know he must be remembering how we looked when he walked in, Johnny and I, sprawled on my bed as the last of the aching pleasure died away.

Impossibly, he draws close, presses a warm, wanted kiss against my lips. I’m not sure what the fuck to do, and just sit still, staring as his words tumble out. “Should’ve told you, talked to you, but was so bloody unsure of myself. Of everything. I wanted you, wanted to work something out for afterwards, but I-I’d never felt that way about a bloke. Never needed so much from a bloke, or anyone, before.”

His arms slip around me, pulling me down on him. “Should’ve told you I loved you. Have ever since, even after seeing you and him. And then all those months went by before we started up again, and I thought, you never seemed to want to talk about any of it, so I took what I could. But then it got to be too much, couldn’t be with you and not be with you, you know?”

Incredibly, I do know, and I nod, my nose bumping his. “Then we fell into seeing one another, just every now and again, and when you seemed alright with that, I thought, I’d just keep me mouth shut.”

I kiss him, just to stop the words, because at the moment I can’t withstand the look in his eyes, the sound of his voice wrapping me in warmth and hope. My mouth slants over his, tongue sliding easily between his lips, stroking him wonderingly before turning hungry. We move together, his arms around me, my fingers sliding into his hair, curling in tight. I work his mouth hard, he gives it all right back, and we love one another like that until I pull away, breathing hard.

“Never saw him again, I swear that to you.”

He smiles, a little shaky, but a smile. “I know, love. I know.”

I kiss him again, endlessly, relearning every spot inside that has him giving up those hungry, desperate noises I crave. Eventually, the couch just isn’t going to get it. Drawing back, I slide my tongue over his lips, tasting him, myself, and all our foolish years fall away.

“I love you too, always have, Sean.”

His hands slide up my back, and he lets me feel the hunger in him. “I know, love.”

Reluctantly, I push away to stand, but snagging his hand pull him up with me. He’s grinning, and I can’t remember seeing him look quite so happy in all the times we’ve been together since New Zealand, or even in New Zealand. That I’ve had something to do with that makes me proud, happy all the way down to my bones and back again. We leave the red wine behind and head upstairs, fingers laced together.

Clothes fall away and skin slides against skin and we ease into bed, knowing we’ll have one another slow and deep. We’ve all night, but before I lose myself in him wholly, I touch his face, gathering his gaze with my own. “Stay?”

He grins, rubs against me, and there it is, question answered.

Comments

[ribby.livejournal.com]

Ow, ow, *ow*... oh, this hurts, even with the happy ending, going through everything that brought them to this point. And the happy ending is all the more wonderful for that pain, because you know they'll be stronger for it.

*happy sigh* Took a while to get here, but it's a happy place to be. Thanks for sharing it with us!

~Kris

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your lovely feedback, and I think you're right, after all they've gone through, they are made stronger. So glad you liked the happy ending! They're finally on the same page, and maybe with a lot of work still ahead, but now they'll be sure not to let go of one another. Thanks for reading, ;)

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs* I really wanted to convey that, that over the years (hard to believe it's been years since Fellowship!) they've always been drawn back to one another, depsite the doubts. So glad you liked this! ;)

[elfin-saltwater.livejournal.com]

Nice to see them end up in a good place, even after all their struggles.

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It is nice to see them, happier and really finally talking to one another. So glad you liked, thanks for reading, ;)

[msdavidwenham.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that they both got things off their chest. All the hurt and years of not talking about what was troubling each other. A very lovely and happy ending for them both.

[archet.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you enjoyed. You're right, the miscommunication, or the non communication, really, was the root of their troubles. I'm happy they found a way through it in the end. Thanks for reading! ;)

[helena-s-renn.livejournal.com]

wow, that was some of the finest 'nail this thing's ass to the wall' dialogue i've read in a while. it was potent, painful, like cutting out a cancer. i'm so glad you let it end ... er... well... that they were together.

[archet.livejournal.com]

Eee! Thank you! I'm really pleased you felt the dialogue worked, as well as the ending. I wanted to leave them in a positive place, but with some ambiguity. They've a lot of work ahead if they want to stay together. I like to think they'll decide each other is worth it, thanks for reading! ;)

[govi20.livejournal.com]

I never gave fb to your fic until now, because I felt so sad reading it. But the way you've ended this is wonderful, indeed a wonderful dialogue, feeling so realistic. You're a great writer!

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you decided to keep going all the way to the end even though the prior parts seemed sad, I tend to find it hard not to give these two a happy, positive ending. ;) Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed, and for reading!

[elintirn.livejournal.com]

I love how this is written - its easy to see through Viggo's eyes as you portray Viggo's fear and uncertainty and hesitation and pain so well. There's loads of really excellent bits, so I won't pull them out, I think the whole thing is written well.

And despite it all, a happy ending! I am a big sap, so that's made me smile! :o)

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thanks much for your lovely comments, I'm so pleased to know you felt Viggo's feeling and thoughts came through clearly and genuinely, and that this worked well.

It wasn't a 100% sure of the happy ending, but hey, I'm a hugh sap, so it seemed likely. Thanks for reading, and letting me know you enjoyed! ;)

[lab-jazz.livejournal.com]

I love this little series and I'm so glad that 'our' boys were able to talk it all though, and that they have arrived at this happy place.

[archet.livejournal.com]

Many thanks! I was gleefully happy that they decided to hold in there, and make it a happy ending as well. It's taken them long enough, but I think they know it's worth it. Thanks for reading! ;)

[afra_schatz]

Oh, this hurt so much, thankfully at the ending it did so in a good way, if that makes any sense. I really liked the "pacing" of this, the dialogue felt very real which, I suppose is a pretty difficult thing to pull off what with all the explaining they have to do. Great work, thanks for sharing!

[archet.livejournal.com]

I know just what you mean, *g* So glad the dialogue 'sounded' real to you, and that the pacing worked well. Vig just kind of took things over! Thanks so much for letting me know what you liked, and what you thought worked, and for reading! ;)

[makamu]

I think this piece is amazingly well-paced and very realistic because there are a few bigger bumbs in the road and they really both have to work through their issues which makes the resolution all the stronger.

What is more this piece was extremely visual and I could actually see them both there. Great job! :)

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I'm always happy to hear that this felt realistic. These two have come through a lot, and they've got a bit more to go if they really want to be together. I kind of liked leaving them on the cusp of that, but I'm certain they'll make it. I do enjoy imagery and atmosphere in fic, but sometimes I think I go overboard ;P . I'm so glad you enjoyed this!

[liars-dance.livejournal.com]

brilliant piece of writing - raw, honest, hurting and in the end, healing. Wonderful!

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm completely pleased you felt all those things from this, especially that it seemed honest. Of course, I couldn’t resist a smidgen of sap at the end, ;) Thanks for reading!

[rotpunkt.livejournal.com]

The dialogue was very convincing - one of the best hurt/comfort stories I´ve read. I find it more interesting when the hurt and conflict come from within the relationship like in your story, and not from an "evil enemy" outside. The misunderstanding and pain shows they're only human. It was intense - I could feel the pain of both of them. It's great that they are BOTH hurting, and their reactions are understandable at both sides. Of course, I also LOVE the happy ending!

[archet.livejournal.com]

That's a great compliment, that the dialogue felt convincing! Thank you! It was important to me that their problems couldn't be blamed on or the other, but was definitely a joint effort of miscommunication and non-communication. I'm so glad too that they pulled together in the end and got past that barrier of the past that was keeping them apart. Thanks so much for reading! ;)

[mooms.livejournal.com]

Ah, I am another sucker for a happy ending, especially after all the pain and I do believe that they will work things out in the future. It was so sad reading the earlier stories and there was so much pain in this one, but their conversation was so well written and entirely convincing. Thank you.

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! They did go through a lot, and sadly most of it was due to them just not talking, and while they've some work ahead, I feel the hardest part is over. I'm very pleased you felt their conversation rang true, that's lovely to know. Thanks for reading! ;)

[rifleman-s.livejournal.com]

"You can’t have what we did that night and not remember it.

And with that Sean comes round and they start to trust again, and all the confessions are over and "He grins, rubs against me, and there it is, question answered."

It's been an amazing series; excellent writing and a wonderful pairing, who went through much misunderstanding and came out stronger the other side.

Thank you.

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm glad you've enjoyed this series. They had a lot of misunderstandings to work through, trust to reestablish, and they do have a bit of work ahead, but their finally in a good place to start. Thanks so much for reading, and letting me know you liked! ;)

Lovely!

[earthtomom.livejournal.com]

I love this story. :)

Re: Lovely!

[archet.livejournal.com]

So glad you're enjoying! Thanks for reading, ;)

[halszka.livejournal.com]

Wow, they will be together! Convincing and very happy ending. I like it

[archet.livejournal.com]

So glad you liked the ending! Thanks for letting me know, and thanks for reading, ;)

[farothiel.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed this little series - thank you, Archet.

I liked how the pink plastic tumblers almost became an issue in Vig's head! Nice sap at the end :)

[archet.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm pleased you've enjoyed this series. It started quite suddenly and weirdly, but I'm happy that it developed as it did. I'm not sure where the tumblers came from, but it seemed like such a 'Viggo' moment. *g* Thanks again for reading, ;)